No. This is a bank
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Damn millennials and their avocado grenades!
All of a sudden, boomers wish we’d stuck to putting them on toast…
All that risk for the equivalent of a recent model used car.
What the fuck are you on about? I just bought a 2002 VW Jetta for $9k, practically new, 150k miles and only one broken motor mount. Cars are… Fuck my life.
Not gonna lie, you had me in the first half.
I wouldn’t say that a car from 2002 is a recent model.
It was out after I left high school… Fuck!
Recent models are like 30k
You can get a fairly decent new car for that money or you can where I live anyways.
Might not be the coolest car in the world but it will be fine.
Not saying that robbing banks with an avocado is a good idea though. Here they wouldn’t get shit because nearly none of our banks handle any cash.
Banks are cash free now??? What a world. At what point to we get to where banks don’t really do anything at all except legally rob you and bill you for stupid shit?
Yeah, cash free greatly decreases the risk of robberies from high to non-existent. And no one really uses cash anyways here so it doesn’t matter much. If someone wants to use cash anyways, we have these machines that are called automated teller machine.
I am not saying I’m a huge fan of banks but they do actually provide useful very services like debit/credit cards, loans, safe keepings of money, and a bunch of other stuff. And if you only use the basic services with a debit card plus basic bank accounts there are minimal yearly fees. I pay nothing because I’m young enough but in a few years I will have to pay what’s equivalent to around 55 USD each year, which I think is very reasonable.
jfc
And you’re excited about it.
Fractional reserve… technically zero is a fraction.
Not sure what you mean, but my bank has like 70+ locations in my country.
In 2012 they apparently had 165 locations and 101 of those only had ATMs and no manual cash handling. My bank was the first with this large scale change but now every bank is essentially cash free. Hell, the whole country is essentially cash free.
Fractional reserve is a reference to banks needing to keep a fraction of their customers’ deposits but are allowed to invest/lend out the rest. Some people think this means keep a fraction of customers cash on hand because liquid assets are often referred to as cash in accounting even if it isn’t actually paper money.
I know some bank tellers who say they are taught to comply with ANY robbery instructions. Even if it’s as simple as someone slipping them a note saying, “This is a robbery” with no explicit threats. If they feel comfortable, they can slip him the marked bills or dye packs, but they won’t be punished if they don’t. Get the robber out, lock the door, call the cops.
I could totally see the tellers recognizing the avocado for what it was and figuring it was on the cops to catch him, not theirs.
Yeah, they probably got the money, along with one hell of an eye roll.
Get the robber out, lock the door, call the cops.
For us it was ‘hit the silent alarm as soon as it is safe to do so’ instead of calling the cops ourselves. Hitting the alarm would trigger a whole chain of events, which included alerting the cops, region manager and an emotional support team and sending out a notification to our intranet that your office would not be reachable for the rest of that day and the day after. It would also immediately notify the correct police departments, which was another reason why we were instructed to not call the alarm number.
Our robber wrapped a plastic bag around his arm so probably didn’t have a firearm, but you simply do not take that risk. Although my colleague had to tell that nitwit that he walked into a branch office that didn’t handle money and had nothing on premises, which was clearly advertised at the door. It did have an ATM, but, as was also made very clear on the outside, we didn’t have access to that. Never seen somebody so confused, fortunately he 180’d out of there. We were lucky that it was probably just somebody who acted on an impulse, another office a few streets down had a real armed robbery, where one of my colleagues got a gun put to her head. Took her years to get her live back on track.
How interesting! Which banks are these, by the way? So we know which ones are safest to work at, of course.
It seems to have been a fruitful endeavour.
The results were smashing
A vegetable one
It has a pit yo. That’s a fruit.
Avocado is a fruit because it has a[sic] flesh and a seed, it comes from a tree, and it can be eaten. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/is-avocado-a-fruit-or-a-vegetable
Wow, ok, my avocado will never be the same
So you do actually have to be able to defend against an avocado attack before you move on to pointed sticks. TIL.
“And don’t come crying to me when some maniac comes at you with a passion fruit!”
“…for 32,000$, thus breaking even with the money he initially invested buying avocados to commit the heist”.
All because of that toast! All because of that God damned toast!
On a somewhat related note, that Sun Tzu quote reminds me of something he did. Sun Tzu had a rivalry with this other general who he often got into skirmishes with and always defeated him or outmaneuvered him with some kind of trickery. So one time this rival general actually had Sun Tzu on the ropes and had chased him into a bit of a corner. Sun Tzu was in a smallish fort with the enemy general closing in and he definitely did not have enough soldiers to hold the fort for long.
So instead of trying to intimidate his rival with a show of force or making his army seem bigger than it was or whatever else he might have tried instead when his rival arrived at the fort he found the front gate fully open and nobody in sight except Sun Tzu himself sitting on the battlement playing an instrument somewhat akin to a lyre I think.
His rival was so wary of trickery that he assumed it must be a trap, or a distraction while a larger army moves in to reinforce him, so he left and Sun Tzu and his army survived.
Legend has it they needed an extra casket just for his balls when they buried him, and it required twice the number of pallbearers his actual body did.
Those extra ones were ballbearers.
Sun Tzu isn’t in that story, it is a tale about Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi from the Three Kingdoms period.
Oh interesting! I must have mixed my facts up or something, my bad. You’re right that it’s attributed to Zhuge Liang, but it seems like Wikipedia thinks it was a fictional story when attributed to Zhuge Liang, but it looks like he wasn’t the first to use this strategy and he wasn’t the last. Regardless, I was wrong about Sun Tzu having done it and I learned more about history, so thanks!
Here’s the Wikipedia article I was referring to: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empty_Fort_Strategy#Zhuge_Liang
“You kidnapped me with a candy bar?!”
“Hey! It wasn’t easy! Every time we moved I was worried the wrapper would crinkle and give me away.”
Bet he still loses at poker
Sun Tzu says: if you are strong, appear weak. If you are weak, appear strong.
If you want to be financially independent, stop buying avocado toast. Use the avocado to hold up a bank instead.
people are fucking sheep.
“I HAVE A GRENADE! GIVE ME MONEY!” (it’s an avocado)
“OH GOD! HERE! TAKE IT!”
Still not as bad as that time Verizon handed over their customer’s data to some idiot that said he was an FBI agent. And in case it wasn’t obvious, he was a fraud and he didn’t have anything that looked like an official warrant either.
Why would I protect some corporate property when somebody threatens me with an avocado.
At least I hope he only robed the bank and not the employees wallets.
Robbing the bank means you’re stealing money from regular people. That’s not the corporation’s money, that’s the bank-client’s money.
Which means that the clients lose money and the banks get another reason to have free money from the tax payers.
Double-theft where only the corporations win.
Hey! There’s been a robbery
She stole my heart and guacamole
When avocado guy is caught, he’s gonna be TOAST!
