I went and took maternity pictures with my wife yesterday and she was having so much fun. I didn’t complain because I didn’t want to ruin it, but I was so mad at myself because it was all I could focus on.

I’d forget for a second and make a joke to make her laugh and then right back into focusing on the pain.

I’m about burned out with it. I’ll have a good week followed by three months of nonstop misery. I can’t take pain meds because I’m a former addict. I’m terrified to have surgery for that reason.

I don’t know. Sorry to put this here. I wish I were better at suffering in silence. I know I’ve gotta be driving her crazy groaning all the time. I try not to, which makes me super aware of it. It sucks.

It is what it is and we get what we get, but damn I wish I could get some real relief. I’m feeling alright at this moment because I’ve had 4 12% alcohol beers, but when I wake up in the morning I’ll probably spend the first 5 hours of my day wishing I could just be unconscious.

My life right here. Good god. I know I’m annoying and I hate it.

I know that I have it and I have struggled just like this my whole life. I recently lost the only job I’ve ever been able to keep because the company sold. I’ve got three weeks before my life starts to crumble.

I am treated for opioid addiction. No one will help me because of that.

It’s a fight to get the damn diagnosis. My poor daughter definitely has adhd. They’re trying everything first, and I don’t blame them, especially with my history of addiction. It just sucks.

She started high school last year, one year after her mother died from breast cancer. She almost didn’t get through the year because she literally can’t focus on anything and never has been able to. Her room looks like a landfill if I don’t go sit in there with her and remind her over and over again that she’s cleaning.

I’m hoping we get the diagnoses and treatment before school starts or I don’t know what we’re going to do. She’ll end up doing exactly what I did. She’ll drop out.

I’m going to stress this to the doctor next visit.

If I cancelled all of the friendships I have with radicalized people, I would almost certainly have to isolate my little family completely.

I do try to talk time back over the line, but I don’t think I have ever succeeded.

Why am I just noticing that this is AI generated? Boooo. I was hoping it was real.

Ok, the test group people have concluded that if we go forward with “grape drank”, some people are going to get angry. I’ve invested all of my father’s money in this, I can’t back out now!

I struggled with my back being numb and tingly for 3 years over a pair of shoes wearing like this. Nearly drove me insane and a decade later I still have issues from time to time.

Reminds me of an old joke I heard :p

I seriously have a boiling hatred for computers now because I couldn’t even be a little bit mean. I’ve snapped a few times when people blamed me for problems years after I worked on their stuff, but mostly I just got trampled on and robbed at every turn because I didn’t want to upset anyone.

By the time I was mean enough to demand payment and things like that, I already hated it.

My daughter is passionate about computers, so nowadays if I so much as want to tweak something a little bit I let her do it unless she don’t want to. I don’t want to burn her out too.

Your dad sounds like the childhood hero of mine who got me into computers.

Severe ADHD prevented me from ever learning to code, but I became damn good at repairs and things and just general understanding of computers because he was available to ask questions at almost any time.

He went to school auctions every year and got me a pile of hardware to learn from. He never asked for anything in exchange. All around great guy.

I heard him on the phone a few times dealing with the people who he worked with though. Good god he was mean. I couldn’t imagine him being that way with me ever, but he was brutal when it came to work and money.

A dude called him one time while I was sitting there, he listened for a few minutes and he said, “I’ve got a 14 year old kid here, he’s been doing this stuff for about 2 years. I’m gonna let him walk you through this for the 10th fucking time because you’re a goddamn idiot and feeling like a fool when you hang up the phone with a grown man isn’t teaching you any lessons. Maybe get a pen for this one because if I have to remind that a child walked you through it last time, I’m not going to be so fucking friendly.” I was so nervous, apologized multiple times, when I was finished walking him through it he took the phone and said, “now don’t you feel stupid? 25 years and this kid just schooled you.”

He told me, “you gotta be real with idiots or they’ll bother you with stupid problems every single day of your life.”

I wish that lesson had stuck haha, it just wasn’t in me to be mean. As a result, a hobby that I was passionate about all of my life is something I avoid like the plague now. People ruined it for me by bothering me constantly.

I can’t believe it’s been a year. Damn. I really didn’t think I’d make it. I half worried I’d go crawling back.

My last two comments, one year ago were, “Memmy for Lemmy. Been happy all day.” (though voyager is my app these days) and, “Thank you. I already love it. I hope this is where all of the old heads go.”

That was a response to my introduction to lemmy.world.

I meant it when I said I was leaving. I wasn’t 100% sure I could make it after using Reddit for so long, but here I am.

I’m going to try this before I head for the cliff. :p

All I know is that I long for it for some damn reason. As an Appalachian kid with too little to eat, that shit was heaven. I don’t know if it was just because I was hungry, but I was sad to see it go.

This made me think of something else too.

My mom used to stop at a gas station, send me in first with a food stamp dollar to buy a .05 cent piece of gum. My brother would do the same thing, then we’d drive down to the next station and do it again. Finally, at the third station we’d come to the car and give my mom the change. Once we were done, she could afford enough gas to go visit my aunt and my cousins.

Once the EBT card came out that was over for poor folks.

People would stand outside of gas stations and stop people, “hey bro, I’ll buy you two twelve packs of soda for two bucks. You can get a candy bar too.” They usually end up trespassed. The smart ones would sell the cards for half their value (smart? I know) so they didn’t get banned from stores.

Working in a gas station in Appalachia I seen a number of people open their wallets and have several EBT cards.

Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I’m asking you to do. :/

As though I can figure out exactly who you are with a common name like Hamid in a whole ass country.

You’re acting like I asked for exact coordinates to the hole you live in.

You ashamed of your country?

Where you at Hamid?

Mmhmm.

I had fun putting it together. :p

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Heil Chubler! 🙋

Could be your time filter. They’re still showing up on my end.

Thank you for the comment. :)