When my grandma died, all her spoons were placed in a basket at the entrance to the church. She had 8 kids, dozens of grandkids, and lived in a small town of 500. Everyone she knew that was alive came and took a spoon.

There were left over spoons

My favorite to use: “not gonna lie to you.”

Payphones weren’t the only method of escaping the matrix though.

Doesn’t matter. Mac and cheese ain’t anything special.

Is that Frankie MacDonald?

That lions den has been closed for a while now. Probably since before the pandemic.

Ages ago bud light was doing rock paper scissors tournaments for promotions one summer. I was at a bar one night and won. Went to regionals, and in the semi-final I was up against a guy that only threw rock. Each round leading up, every single throw was rock.

I lost to him.

It’s between that and the hot dog for me. But I’m leaning pickle.

I’ve been using it for at least 15 years at this point, and my job relies on accurate forecasts.

Mr Majestyck would be heartbroken.

Estados Unidos Mexicanos

Wait until people learn what Mexico’s real name is.

I bet he was real pissed about overtime

I’ve been wrenching on cars nearly 30 years. I’ve had mechanical maintenance as part of my actual job for a decade now. Two years ago it all finally clicked for me. Clockwise tight, counterclockwise loose.

I never even considered shining the flashlight in his eyes OR handing him the wrong sized wrench. Ooh boy. That would have been interesting.

Those are mossad crabs.

The other night, for me, it was getting shocked while repairing equipment. Touched the same damn place twice

I don’t know

It’s funny to me that my brother pretty much only texts me at 10pm. Dude, I’m a sleep. And I’m sure my response at 515am doesn’t wake you up either.

Slow horses back at the end of the month!