Hey- we weird uncles work hard to get the good stuff. Don’t be hatin’!
My wife’s uncle brought out some homemade dynamite. I wasn’t getting anywhere near it, but that shit rocked the house from across the field.
1920s moment
My mother was just telling me about “Motorcycle Pete”, an old man who lived in our neighborhood through her childhood and early adulthood who was known for making homemade fireworks for the kids in town.
The city him to stop after 9/11.
Fuck no, not anymore. Firework prices have gone insane.
I can’t remember what the name of the firework the store was selling was, but the one near us had a banner saying that six of them were $300.
And people go in and out of that place all day.
Uncle jumps up onto the deck
You and the other kids get ready for a fire works show
Jake the Snake reaches into his bag and drops a hundred pound python onto your shoulders
The kids roar with excitement as you pass out from the snake wrapped around your neck and chest
Needs to do the DDT first. Then the snake after the 3 count lol
lol … god we used to go wild watching all that when we were kids and mock DDT the youngest kid in our group
My older brother and I would do the moves after watching Sunday afternoon WWF. DDT onto the bed mattress was common practice. Jake was a badass.
The reason is Fun.
Had one of these uncles, he also featured a single good eye, the other damaged in a previous fireworks mishap. Didn’t stop him though, and the bad eye could see clear underwater he’d say.
the bad eye could see clear underwater he’d say.
Well that’s fuckin’ fascinating! I want an amphibious uncle.
Uncle Ribbit.
He’s French and we can him Uncle Ribot.
And they end up saving you from a werewolf attack.
Gandalf riding to the Shire.
Gandalf was rocking a very different look in his younger years.
“Uncle” Mike, always coming through with the half sticks and a “you didn’t get this from me”. 🤙
They save money on the fuse length.
I was that uncle one time. We blew a bucket into orbit.
I didn’t have a chance to be this year, but I’m usually that uncle. I’ve also been known to repackage individual fireworks into much larger fireworks. I used to make thermite but I’m too nervous for that now.
I do take safety precautions and the kids don’t get to play with the shit that will blow you up. If an adult wants to blow off their fingers that’s their problem.
Blasting a bucket into orbit is fun!
You make me want to visit Texas. They should sign you up for the tourist board.
Y’all only get to hear about our shitty politicians, and they do suck diseased horse wang. However, there’s a lot of cool shit to do and a lot of cool people to hang out with.
“Come to Texas! We have Mexican andTexMex food, delicious brisket, and some drunk idiot will blow shit up for your entertainment! Just don’t come if you’re pregnant and planning to get an abortion.”
Uncle Nub (yes, that was a real person) would be proud of me for bringing people to watch that and eat.
Please recommend good obscure food places that only locals know about
I’m partial to El Cerrito Taqueria on 249 during the day because they only serve breakfast and lunch. Any other time (literally, it’s 24 hours a day) is Taqueria Ruby. There’s a dim sum joint in Chinatown called Golden Dumpling that’s pretty dope. It’s cash only. Thien Thanh is pretty great if you’re into Vietnamese food, also cash only. I think every decent barbecue joint has been covered by a hundred TV shows. Xochi downtown if you’re looking for upscale Oaxacan food. You can’t really go wrong downtown because they’re all fighting for your business. There’s a dude that sells tamales at the bars in Spring and between 6 and Cypress on the northwest side of town. There’s a little too much masa for my particular taste but he’s a great guy, they’re delicious, and he sells homemade red sauce and green sauce by the jar. Tony’s New York Pizza is really good and the only place I’ll go for real New York style pizza. I lived up there for a while and this scratches the itch.
If you want a little more well known, Pinkerton’s Barbecue is good. Texas de Brazil is spendy but if I died there I’d die happy. Burns BBQ is really good. Truth is really good. Don’t go to Papas or Spring Creek. They’re fine, but they’re only one step better than going to an Applebee’s.
I know there are others but it’s 6am and I was out until almost 3 drinking. Good luck!
Oh it’s on my to-do list. I’m just an ocean away. Closest I’ve gotten so far is Southern California but I’ll make it!
My wife and I currently have two plans for when we retire:
- Tour the US by road with a focus on national parks
- Take a year to tour Italy, find our spot and settle there. Olive tree essential. The kids and grandkids can come visit. We’ve been telling all the kids about this forever so they don’t get upset when it happens.
Texas with fireworks and alcohol definitely part of #1.
Happy independence day!
